Long time without writing anything here, I just decided to do it, again. Writing about my heart and my understanding about the way life goes.
Suddenly I met many people again, people I had lived for long years during school, during my childhood. People who were there for all the time, when I wasn’t. When I unblocked my life, I started seeing everything again, because my eyes became opened once more.
As people say ‘life doesn’t give you a second chance’ and I was having mine, I decided to go for it, with no fear and determined to live everything intensely, enjoy all things life could offer me, without holding myself in anyone, this time.
From this point on its history, history of search, desire, denial, resistance. I found many interesting people, many old friends, became happy and free again. And guess what? My heart started beating once more, even if I was giving all I could not to see it. At this point all the ready-made phrases were in my mind.
Almost a year had gone and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to invite someone to my life, and I asked myself if there was anyone enough emotionally intelligent to understand the mess in my chest, my craziness, my lack of faith in relationships.
Hearing what everybody was telling me – those saying people seem to know so well – that ‘when you least expect it, the thing you always hoped for happens’, made me think again in some points. I don’t know if it was the way I was cranky and blunt from day 1, or if it was the way I, without caring about what he would think, undressed all my demons one by one as if he was an old friend, and I’m also not sure if it was my repulse for happiness that kept him interested all over the time in which all I did was everything to push him away from me.
Actually, it doesn’t matter. Saying his love for me has changed me and has changed my love for myself is such a cliché and sounds so much less magnificent than what this story really is. Saying that we are soul mates and made for each other is cheesy and I really don’t believe in fairy tale love because I have always been the kind of person who developed an incurable rage for everything that was too sweet or too cute. If I say I’m happy and I have never felt anything like it or that the chemistry, the laughter and the passion are, by far, the best of my life it’s going to sound just as my endorphins are speaking on my behalf.
So, I decided not to say anything. I lived all my life searching, speaking and writing about love and at this point of my history, the only thing I can think is that, so far, I had absolutely no clue of what love was really about.
For a long time I have been writing my introduction. So now, may the chapters begin?
