About the scars, about how really life is

Admit it. We all have scars that we’ve been concealing. Scars that kept us from doing what we’ve always wanted to do with our lives. There are the physical scars that kept us from wearing that beautiful, supposedly flattering dress. There are the pimple scars that need tons of concealers, the kind of scars your crush cannot and should not see. And there are the emotional scars that we’re trying to mask because we don’t want the world to see our weaknesses. Whatever our life stories are, we all have scars we’re too embarrassed to show the world. 

But scarred people are beautiful. Scars make us human. Scars make us beautifully flawed. Scars make our stories. Scars make us real.

So why feel embarrassed? Why keep it? No one’s made into perfection. We all have beautiful and triumphant stories to tell. People showing off perfect and flawless personalities scare me. Because they have nothing to share. They have nothing to prove to the world. Because they have a lousy life. And I don’t wanna spend my life with people living too-good-to-be-true lives because I will learn nothing from them. They don’t inspire me. The people who inspire me are those who’ve faced insurmountable hurdles. Because they have real stories and emotions to tell. Because they’ve been bruised yet learned from it and still see life’s magnificence. I love people who have laughed, cried, loved and lost. I love people who had their hearts broken yet managed to give more love. I love people who tripped, fell down, stepped up and rose for a better life. I love people with bruised egos because they learn to be humble. I love people with proud scars. Because they have lived life trying-to-be-perfect people have not. 

Life is a bitch at times but it is during these times that we are challenged. We are challenged to become better persons. We are challenged to become the best that we can be. And 10 years from now, when you look back you will thank your scars for it. You will appreciate the beauty of your scars. 

So just live life. Let it be. Love your scars. Show it to the world. Every life has a wonderful story behind it. Use it to inspire people and not to be embarrassed.

I have pimple scars to prove that I once lived a stressful life and patiently worked a job I never wanted to because I have a living to maintain. 

I have a heart that was broken into pieces and have been stitched countless times. And that just made more room for more love to give.

I have a life scarred with embarrassments, lousy decisions and immature actions. And it made me realize that life isn’t all bad. There are always lessons to be learned, experiences to cherish and moments worth telling to my grandchildren.

Scarred people are the most beautiful people. Don’t envy Ms. Barbie Doll because for all we know, she’s dealing with bigger problems than you do. 

So show your scars and be proud of them. They make them you. They show the beauty in you that perfection can never give.

What a madness

"With so much potential to end up with my life, do you know what he wants? To make me happy. What a disgrace. The young man wants to make me happy. And end up with the wonderful feeling of being miserable. And take away from me the only thing I can do right in life, which is suffering. Years of improvement and he wants to change the whole scheme. The young man wants to make me happy. What a madness, isn't it?" (From Tati Bernardi)

. DEFINITELY .

Searching for the right one is oftentimes what most people have been doing all their lives. How can I blame them? There’s an undefined rush in searching and searching and searching. In every new date comes a renewed hope that this person could be the one. For some, finding the right person comes easily. For others, searching becomes a painstaking process. They search hopefully only to get their hearts broken in the end. And I feel there is something amiss in this scenario. The searching just eats up most of the hopeless romantic’s time without knowing that he has already found what he has been searching for. It has been there all along. Waiting to be discovered, waiting to be felt. And this is even a sadder scenario. Some people search too much that they miss out on what could have been really right for them. They search too much that they miss out on the chance of becoming the right person for somebody. Yes, there is fun in searching. There is a high in every spark of hope of maybe finding the right one. But it’s more fun when you’re being with the right person. It’s a cliche, but I really believe in the old adage to just let love find you. Let fate do its work. That way, you won’t be overlooking a wonderful person that might just be the one. 

True, there are days when I feel there is something missing in my 'story'. There are days that could have been made better, days when we could have been more perfect for each other. I could have searched to find that missing piece. But I didn’t. Because I know that that missing piece can be filled one of these days. It’s a work in progress. I have stopped being too idealistic and eventually learned to love a moment at a time, a day at a time.

There’s  no time to waste. If you know you are with the right person already, be brave enough to stay. And save both your lives. 

When the time comes that you know you’re with the right person and be asked if s/he is already the one you want to spend your life with, I hope you will all have only one answer: DEFINITELY. No Maybe’s.

stayin' is harder

Every day, we are faced with minute life battles that fate requires us to face. Admit it, it’s not easy going through this life on our own. At certain points in our ironically mundane yet crazy lives, we are humbly on our knees begging the heavens to send us someone who will make us feel complete. Someone who will make us whole, someone with whom we could share half of life’s burdens with and someone whom we can spend forever with.


We all need a better half to be happily insane with. And when we find that person, things are no longer the same. Life suddenly takes a 360-degree turn. Priorities change, goals are re-aligned, decisions are influenced and dreams begin to consist of having a happy family.


Many people think that falling in love is the best feeling in the world. This is where (I guess) many people go wrong. It is staying in love that makes the best feeling in the world. Falling in love is easy. It is staying in love that requires a lot of effort. It is in staying in love despite imperfections, flaws and quirks that makes a relationship last. You fall in love because you like a lot of things about a person. You stay in love because you choose to. Love is not always a bed of roses. Relationships are tested by time, personalities, characters, differences, sweet times and bad times.


While destiny and fate would make up a good plot in any love story, it is a courageous choice that make up a good hero / heroine. Love is not all about random, cute and pretty things. It is not about taking your partner to a fancy dinner or showering her with gifts. Love is staying with your partner when things don’t go your way. It is holding your partner’s hands when the world begins crumbling down. It is hugging and kissing your partner when insecurities get in the way of the relationship. It is simply being at your partner’s side when harsh realities start sinking in and choosing to not let go.


I wouldn’t mind being constantly wooed by my partner. Hell, I’m the easiest person to please. I’m already happy with chocolates, sweet nothings or even just a cheap dinner date. But if the guy will choose to leave or abandon me when I’m at my most unlovable self, he can have somebody to give the chocolates to and spend dinner with. I don’t need to be showered with lavish gifts. I only need a guy who will choose to stay with me when things go rocky, a guy who would tell me I’m pretty even when there are pimples scattered all over my face, a guy who will love me at my worst state. In short, I need a real man. I’m sure you do, too. Because only a real man is capable of choosing to love you despite an ugly face, aura, mood, state of mind, situation and circumstance. And this is the only man who deserves your best self - a beautiful face, aura, mood, state of mind, situation and circumstance.


Out of the 6,000,000,000 people in the world, there is only one out there. If you haven’t met him / her yet, smile because you’re both gazing at the same sky. Promise me you won’t let go when your lives cross. Make the right choice. Hold on. Stay in love. Live a happy life together. Finding 1 out of the 6,000,000,000 people who gives meaning to your life and to your world is no easy task. So, please. Do yourself and the whole world a favor. Choose the right thing.

Nights like this

Nights like this give me good time to write a little bit. Nights that I cant sleep I dont know why. Nights I keep walking around, changing the channels on TV, surfing on some webpages... nights I really try to understad what is going on.

Some days i just wake up like this... electric, ‘turned on’... and I keep like that all day long... nonstoping speaking, working, etc. And these nights make me think about myself. Today I just realize some things inside of me have died, to reborn. And I’ve been saying around that the old me is lost and I’m not sure if I want to find it again. My life has been passing so fast since that day and the chance to solve my problems too. My inside problems.

Some people say I’m too angry, others say I’m too anxious and there are others that say i’m like a witch, or cold. All of them are right, but none of them know what really goes inside of me.

She knew it. Only my mom did. No one else could do it again, ‘till now. Not even my dad, or my sister or my first real love. All of them know me. Not as much as she knew.

And, it’s weird, but on the last few days I just walk everyday complete... feeling that everything is mine, everything is new, and now it makes me think that the loneliness is filled with something that I can’t explain. I thought I would never be able to feel like that again. 

I’m lying if I say I dont know your smelling anymore, that I don’t remember the fine lines on your face, and, for some reason I still will having my little legs entwined with other ones. I know I need some stops now, but I cant do it, and I stumble on my way back home. I bump with people I shouldnt, I kick obstacles ‘cause i’m to anxious to see them.

I just decided – dont know how – I stoped believing in everlasting love since I realized eternity is for those who have extra time, and MY life is too short. I want my bed empty in the morning because i’m full of me, but at night I want perfect curves, complete ones, me that i’m not ‘given’ to hugs, want someone who completes me with a perfect hug, more perfect than I could ever tues.

And if the sex is better, I wish I can have someone with the arms like yours. Someone who can love me the way you did in the beginning, remember? But a little deepier, more sensitive, more... boyfriend. I wish I can have someone with all your qualities - those I almost dont remember aymore - and none of your defects (...)

I turned away from you and now I send everyone away from me because I decided I want to be a highway, not a dead-end alley. One day, perhaps, someone who enjoys adrenalin, good songs and soccer comes here, near me, and starts covering my things with pictures of amazing places and people, writing me love letters. Maybe he can come and bring people to socialize in a colorful party, and then, without me knowing, I just close my highway with big trees and flexible gates, celebrating my new way.

A writer already says ‘when you open your arms to life, loves of death lose their place in the embrace’. So, I keep smiling, and you should too. Now I’m free, opened and looking at everything is around me. Our happiness would never be the same, today I see, as soon as your love is full of blockings and mine, of curiosity. I hope both of us can be happy. You exploring someone’s love and me… the life.  

Pólen

Ainda que sentir doa, prefiro fazê-lo a viver no meio, insatisfeita, domada, rodeada por palavras nocivas, de sentido dúbio e objeto atassalhador. 'No more' passos embalados um a um, indicando 'ande', 'coma', 'acorde'. Quero a estática (se é você quem me tira o sentido), quero a fome (se é você quem me alimenta), quero a insônia (se é você quem não me deixa dormir).

De tudo isso, quero que você entenda que se continuar a enxergar tudo como tem enxergado, vai acabar se encontrando lá na frente com tantas experiências (ou nem tantas, assim) reclamando todos os passos que você precisava ter dado e não deu. Quero muito que você veja que se não parar de olhar para os outros, nunca vai enxergar tudo o que pode e merece ser. Não use espelhos.

Não seja mais espectador da sua própria vida, perceba que ela é aquilo que a gente faz dela. Quero muito que você acredite que o tempo passa, mais vezes do que eu em seu Facebook, e que o remorso pode acompanhar todos os tantos dias de sua vida.

Acredite que não é suficiente conhecer os sentimentos, todos eles estão descritos no dicionário, você não precisa descrevê-los mais uma vez. Os tais precisam merecem ser vividos, ou 'at least' respeitados.

Te falo tanto de sentimentos, e tantas vezes. Em uma delas gostaria muito que você visse que o imaterial dura muito mais do que o carro do ano ou todas as tecnologias das quais você tanto discorre com paixão.

Somos muito mais do que só comer, dormir ou fazer sexo. Somos realizar, saber, construir. De dentro pra fora.

A vida te espera, 'gato'. Mas não espera pra sempre. E se ela passar por você, acredite, sua Ferrari não vai ser suficiente para persegui-la.

A vida já não me espera mais. Ela não precisa. Já a exerguei, quando entendi que dá muito trabalho catalogar as mágoas.

Parecem tantas palavras, né? E podem ser... às vezes preciso mesmo de tantas para dizer tão pouco. Por medo. Outras vezes são tão poucas as palavras, se não o silêncio, que faço minha propriedade, para dizer tão pouco. 

Who cares? 

O que eu precisava expor já foi feito, antes e muito melhor, por tantos que viveram e/ou vivem sentimentos como o que carrego aqui.

Nenhuma palavra vence a força da falta de atitude. Atitude meu rapaz.

Então cá estou, vivendo este inverno para que, um pouco mais a frente, possa enxergar o sol em algum céu, ou as estrelas numa noite agradável, deixando que sua luz caia sobre meu rosto e meus cabelos louros.

E, porque não, que algumas nuvens escuras venham até mim, para que, quando eu as notar, não me esqueça que por detrás delas há um céu.

E rumo a este céu preparo meu vôo.

E enquanto em terra, quando minhas estrelas chegarem, do meio da rua te acenarei e direi quão linda é a rosa que o 'petit prince' ainda cultiva. E te darei meu pólen. E esperarei que o fecunde.

About me

Lets do it.

I'm not as smart as i'd like to be, as pretty as we both would like and not so available as any star sign can imply. I have my days and the days that are mine. The most part of my hours is not mine, i think too much about what doesnt belong to me, but i produce when nobody expects. I live from passion, i feed myself from sighs, i run out of what life is. I wear masks that i dont know, but as much as i can, i walk naked of me. I dont pretend liking who i dislike, i dont pretend knowing what i dont know. I learned to be frank but not impolite: if you dont want to know what i think, dont ask.
 

Today i like some songs and tomorrow i cant handle most of them: things change, life changes, and i keep on dancing as its partner. Dont wait from me the same attitude i had before, about the same things. I woke up to some realities, i see so many others. I want you to me, but i wont wait the time it is necessary: new scenarios are always revealing themselves, day after day.

I think sleeping a lost of time. Dreaming is essential and you can do it awake.

I believe people are more important than things, no matter the thing a person offers. But not anyone: the most part of the ones i met is dispensable. The ones who remain, no way.

I still dont like movies. Stone me.

I prefer Kit Kat, dark chocolate, sweet wine, hot days and Smirnoff Ice. Would you like to lable me for this? Be my guest.

I dont know how to pretend i dont want somebody to show i want. This game i dont know how to play. I dont want to learn it. If you prefer like this, bet your chips in another.

I really liked "Wear Sunscreen". But i hate the fuss is made over it. I consider "The little prince" wonderful, but in my game of saying truth, i hate when people quote it indiscriminately. I listen to what i listen to, i think what i think, and i dont look for your approval. Is it okay for you?

Yes, i'm contradictory. Or not.

Oh, yes... how many lines are enough to sorround someone completely?

I'm tired of human being. I'm tired of being human. I want only to be, no matter what, and if necessary. Like this.

Thats, then, who i am. Thats what i am.

At least for now.