From the inside

And today I'll write about a word that doesn't exist in other language... SAUDADE!

And "saudade" doesn't come alone.

Doesn't ask permission.

Doesn't come slowly, not to seem intrusive.

"Saudade" is not gradual, it is not growing.

It's already big, occupying all.

It comes in the form of sob, because tears cry so little.

I do not think I know about "saudade".

I do not think I know everything.

I don't think I know many things.

But I know what is to sit down in a Sunday afternoon and watch a soccer game without you.

I know what is the meaning of willing a pat on the back, and don't feel YOUR fingers...

I know what is the meaning of sitting in the most beautiful place in the world, with the water, the sun, the flases, the most wonderful flowers, and just want to see the day pass by me...

Miss you... Luv u... Need u...

--

Everything I say seems to have the weight of a feather that the wind brings and takes, in a little while, or even today, who knows? Life goes and goes, and never comes back, but even without the certain how it goes, everything is equal here, and waiting, becoming different. The sun rises for the day to start, and it ends. My eyes open to see the day that is over. All the nature is a little dead, but the view is still so pretty that gives me time to sing some short song.

And I realized that fighting was so in vain. The rain came in the coldest and lonely day, the sorrow ate all the rest of joy that last in some small shelf, but that wasn't found in all my mess. The prayers ended because when you're more tired is when faith is more needed, but we forget.

And then, the death came in the busiest day, for me not to being able to look at "her", unable to remember what both of us have lived togheter, nothing. But I could not stop remembering something. My heart didn't hurt because was broken there, at that moment. My heart was broken for days, months, maybe years. Half there, half here, with that ocean (that I insist in saying that I dislike), again, in the middle of me. And with my heart in the middle, somebody answers me, please... How would it be albe for me to suffer more [even more]?

Some say that the mother could live forever... I say... my mother will live forever in me... and I'd say... our mother should live forever WITH us...